Many of us ask ourselves, “Does he really love me?” and comes with a follow up, “Why is he not saying I love you?.”
It is normal to ask this questions on the first three to six months of a relationship. A lot of people takes the time to wait and see how their relationships develop before giving out those three big words. In fact, if someone gives them out any sooner than that, it may well be in just a spur of the moment fashion, pertaining more to infatuation or the intensity and passion of a new love affair, rather than a true verbalization of emotion.
It also depends upon your level of emotional maturity. Of course, if you are a teenager, three to six months can be an eternity as few relationships at that age have any real longevity, but if you are a mature adult and you really are concerned with your partner telling you he loves you, take this factors into consideration.
1) The length of your relationship.
As stated, the length of your relationship is the first point to consider. If it is less than three months old, are you sure that you are feeling love yourself or is it the blush of a new affair? Take your time and slow down. Don’t worry if he loves you, focus on how you feel about him!
2) If you have been involved for more than a three month period consider whether your partner is attentive and consistent.
If you can count on your partner to be consistent in communication with you, if you are dating on a steady basis, meeting each other’s friends and families and generally sharing your lives with each other, you may be at the point when this love will be expressed. It is likely to happen during this time frame for most couples who continue to develop to a deeper level of commitment.
If your partner, on the other hand, is sporadic or inconsistent with you, if you find yourself being in an “on and off” state, or if you just see each other every once in a while it is not likely that you are going to hear those words any time soon.
3) If you have been seeing each other for more than six months and he hasn’t said it yet….
If he is consistent and attentive, he should definitely be expressing this sentiment by the nine month point. If not, you may be in a dead-end relationship.
How can you tell?
He is sporadic with time and communication. You can’t count on him to know that you will be spending time together, you are always worried whether or not he’s going to call to make plans with you. He is socializing regularly without you, with other friends, or may still be dating other people openly (or discreetly).
If this is the case after a nine month acquaintance, this is just a casual dating situation and if you are looking for “true love”, you aren’t going to find it here!
Then he may have a warm and affectionate feeling for you, but the man doesn’t love you. If you have to ask someone else, when someone you’ve been dating for nearly a year or LONGER is going to verbalize love for you, he isn’t going to say it. He may hold you in high regard, he may care for you, he may have plenty of affectionate feelings for you, but does he “love” you? No.
If a man cannot tell you that he loves you by the end of the first year of dating or beyond, then he is not viewing you as a life partner, he is viewing you as a pal. Someone to take out, be physical with, enjoy spending time with, a companion, but not a life partner that he loves and wants to commit to.
Odds are if you are dating for more than a year and he hasn’t said he loves you that he is still shopping around and you are the one that “will do” until true love comes around. Instead of trying to MAKE the man fall in love with you, which is utterly IMPOSSIBLE, your best bet is to let go, move on, and find someone who will appreciate and love you.
I know this sounds harsh, but after ten years of coaching women through relationship issues, I have found that the women who are brave enough to let go and move on are the women who find the love and the partner that they desire. Those that hang in there and try to force the relationship to develop, or think that by staying they will make it happen, frequently find that they have wasted months, possibly even years, on a dead end relationship.
Where do you want to be a year from now? If you are comfortable with a long term dating situation, then that’s great! However, if you do want to be loved and cared for and become a true life partner to a man who is sincere, don’t waste more than nine months waiting for a man to express his affections.
If you leave, yes it may hurt, but you are then free to find someone who truly DOES care. The upside is, if he really DOES love you and was just having trouble expressing it, he won’t let you go for long.