Ever heard the expression “love is not a noun, it’s a verb.”? Love to me used to mean a thing, or a feeling. But now I think of it as an action. Love requires me to actively do something, to improve it increase it, to keep it. You have to work at it. The #1 reason why people “fall out of love” is because they stop working at the relationship; they stop nurturing the love. Are you ready to get clear on what you want, bring in the kind of relationship you deserve, and move on from those old patterns? When it comes to relationships, we attract partners based on our definition of what love is.
How Your Definition of Love Formed
Your definition of love was created by your early experiences with parents or caretakers—their relationships with each other and with you. Whether you experienced trauma and discord or love and harmony, your definition of lovewas subconsciously being formed during childhood. All your unconscious beliefs and emotional patterns stem from this.
You’re a Vibrational, Summoning Beacon
Every person is literally a vibrational, summoning beacon. They continually send information out into life, attracting or repelling other vibrational beings, events and experiences. Each of us has a frequency and we use that to attract our match. Each relationship mirrors what is going on with us and it brings us closer to who we really are. The people we attract are physical manifestations of where we are, vibrationally. That means we attract people into our lives based on what we are feeling and from the thoughts we most often think.
My father was a Chief Petty Officer in the Navy. He was deployed away from our family for six months at a time, on a battleship or a shoreline station. He didn’t want to be away—he loved us, he missed us, and he wanted to be home. During the early years of my life, we moved several times. I attended first grade in three schools that year, in two different states. Eventually my dad was assigned to a permanent position and we settled in one place. He was gone on base during the week and home on weekends.
A Back-and-Forth Pattern of Longing
As a child, what I knew and understood was that my dad was gone, home, gone again, and then back. My mother was essentially a single mom when he was away. My definition of love became a back-and-forth pattern of longing. I had a foundation of deep caring and love, but it came in and went out. It was stable and dependable, but not really.
Falling for the Wrong Ones
In relationships, I fell for the ones who didn’t commit, were in and out of my life, or who didn’t make me a priority. Even though I didn’t consciously want this, subconsciously, I was attracting my definition of what love was for me—the longing for love and connection. I was shocked to discover it was me with commitment and closeness issues! In my relationships with healthy men, I felt overwhelmed and not knowing why, I’d find a way to sabotage the relationship, cause a fight so I could have breathing room, or break up. My pattern: I was either on the run or the man was, so my love pattern could continue.
Unwinding Deep Patterns
How did I unwind deep patterns and insecurities, redefine my definition of what love is, and make substantial strides in healing? I found a counselor and mentor who was also a hypnosis, NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Progamming) and Reiki expert. I joined a study group for the book “Calling in The One: 7 Weeks to Attract the Love of Your Life” by Katherine Woodward Thomas. This workbook can also be used alone or working together with a friend. I knew my “life partner soul mate” was trying to come in. While in this class, I met my husband!
Magical Things Can Happen
As we identify what needs to change and create these changes, magical things begin to happen in our lives. The people, situations, and experiences we attract show up differently! We continue to have work to do, challenges to move through, and changes to adjust to along our journey, but the difference is our “life partner soul mate” shows up and walks along side of us as we continue to grow.