We have all been exposed over and over to romantic stories from movies and television, and the story always ends when the romantic partners finally get together and live happily ever after. In actuality, this is when the real relationship story begins. There are several stages that relationships go through over time, but most of us want the happily ever after — and believe our relationship should be easy. This is a myth. Satisfying, mature, relationships happen when both people work hard to maintain a sense of safety with each other.
Within romantic relationships, love is a very important element and there are three stages to it.
1. I need you to love me.
It’s hard to be in love with someone who doesn’t love back. It becomes a one-sided situation. If two people are in a relationship, but only one person loves the other, it moves out of the relationship realm. It becomes co-dependency and obsession. No one should ever have to deal with doesn’t express love. Love is expressed through service. Does the person do what they can serve the other? Do they care about their needs, wants, desires and dreams? If the answer is no, the one who doesn’t love the other is merely using them for their own selfish motives. Love is never selfish.
2. I will love myself.
In order to avoid attracting a selfish person in a relationship, it is important for a person to love themselves first. People often date at the level of their sense of self-worth or self-esteem. It is incredibly important for a person to love their quirks, physical traits and become comfortable in their own skin. This isn’t to say that there isn’t ever room for growth. Everyone can grow and evolve. That’s a very important component of a person who matures and knows how to effectively make positive change. However, it is crucial to love a person to love self right where they are and not be so in love with the potential of who they can become and miss the person they are in the moment. When self-love is cultivated and developed, a person can’t help but attract beautiful, positive, restoring love into their life.
3. I am love.
When a person exudes a spirit of love and positivity, it compels others to want to do the same. Love is such an inviting spirit and can truly put people at ease. When a person cultivates a spirit of love, it not only puts them in a position of positivity, it gives them a certain level of unspeakable power. Love empowers others and a person who knows how to effectively love is powerful. It takes a lot of strength and courage to love someone and care about someone else’s needs. It takes insightful love to know when to speak and when to be quiet. Just like a person who is filled with negativity, bitterness and hurt can’t help but emote those expressions on their face, someone who is filled with love can’t help but look pleasant and filled with joy, even when they’re not trying. Be the change you’d like to see as Gandhi famously stated. Doing this involves becoming love.
It is so important to get healed from past hurts, wounds and disappointments so that love can shine through. Love is powerful and healing. When it is spread in the world, it can move mountains.