During relationships, you should be careful not to analyze your situation. If you’re over-thinking your relationship while you’re in it, there’s a very good chance you’ll pick up on a problem that isn’t even there. Of course, this is fairly difficult to refrain from at the time because relationships are always difficult in one way or another.
If your relationship has ended, though, now is your time to assess the situation more carefully. Nevertheless, this can be difficult because many people tend to blame themselves during such analysis. You should bear in mind, however, that these are times for self-reflection, not self-flagellating; your relationship was a period of personal growth, and this is always important to remember.
As such, here are 4 tips to properly evaluating a past relationship.
Your Relationship Was a Learning Curve
When your relationship ended, it likely felt as though a part of you died. Remember, though, that there is no death without rebirth; you should pay attention to the advice your past relationship gave you, and you should take the opportunity to grow as a person. Your relationship was not a failure, because it taught you how to get closer to the best version of yourself.
Your Relationship Taught You to Communicate
Every relationship is a compromise, and compromises require communication; indeed, many relationships end because that compromise could not be met. When you analyze the relationship after it has ended, that is one of the main things you come to realize. Think not of your incompatibility with that person, but question how long it took you to realize you could not reach a compromise, or why precisely you could not reach the compromise at all. Focus on the way communication caused it to happen and learn from these shortcomings.
You Become More Attuned to Other People’s Needs
As well as communication, a lack of empathy often prevents compromises from being met. This is not something that is on you, however; empathy is a learned trait. Looking back over a past relationship, you will remember times where you might not have put yourself in your partner’s shoes. You are not always able to do it, of course, but at least making the attempt is a sign that you are beginning to grow as a person.
You Become More Protective of Your Own Needs
In some cases, of course, it was not your communicational issues that meant the compromise could not be met—it was your partner’s. You may even come to realize that your partner was taking advantage of you somewhat during your relationship. You will recognize this during your post-relationship analysis, and as a result, you will become more resilient in your defense of your own personal growth.
As you can see, once you have moved past the initial heartbreak, you can look back on your relationship and use it as an essential tool to become a much stronger person. Your relationship can only become better from here.