When a relationship is fizzling out, you know it. The intense chemistry you once had with your partner has shifted, and you spend more time not talking than talking. It isn’t bad but it certainly isn’t good either.
Have you ever stayed in a relationship just for the stuff? For example, do you have a great bed? One woman said she stayed in her relationship just because of a Tempur-Pedic mattress. Do you belong to a country club? Do you own a second home in another state that would no longer be yours if you left the relationship? All of this stuff can tempt you to stay in the relationship even if you know it should be over….
Staying for the stuff is a common choice, and the examples above are true stories of what people choose to stay in relationships for. Are you in a stay-or-go situation? Would you like a hit of psychic wisdom to let you know what to do next?
So if you are finding yourself wondering about breaking up with your significant other, there are some things you need to ask yourself first.
1. Is Anyone Influencing Your Decision To Break Up?
As much as we may not like to admit it, the way other people feel about our relationship affects us. We want our families and friends to like the people we’re dating and when they don’t, this puts a strain on us and gives us a nagging feeling. You want everyone to be happy, and even though you and your partner’s happiness is what matters most, our decisions will be swayed to please our families. YOU like the person you’re with. So if YOU are happy, then be with them and don’t let other people plant ideas or bad images in your head about them. If you didn’t think about a breakup first, then it probably isn’t the solution you’re looking for.
2. Did You Give It Your Best Shot?
Everyone gets discouraged, and when you run into issues with your partner, it can be disheartening. Don’t let this stop you from trying to work it out. If you run every time an issue arises, your relationship will struggle to move forward. Look at your options and try different things to work through your conflicts TOGETHER. If you just mull over the things that bother you instead of talking them out, nothing will be solved. Whenever something doesn’t go the way we want, we tend to give up on the spot. If this relationship is really something you want, you need to put the effort in. No one ever won the race by sitting at the start line.
3. Do You Resolve Conflict?
Similar to giving it your best shot and trying to work through things, do you have a healthy amount of conflict or too much or none at all? Some people think that if they never argue this is good, but that isn’t necessarily true. You don’t want to feel like you’re stepping on eggshells when around your partner. Are you really expressing your feelings when you are with them? Or are you lacking in communication and are you holding back your true feelings? Too much conflict is unhealthy, but when there is a lack of it, you and your partner may actually be ignoring issues when they should be addressed.
4. Are Your Issues Resolvable?
If you ARE trying to resolve conflict but it’s not getting anywhere, ask yourself if it is even resolvable. Relationships can be hard and sometimes you may feel like leaving all your problems behind, but that’s the easy way out. If you can work your way through problems with your friends, why is it so much harder when you’re in a relationship with someone? Maybe because we expect it to be easy. Some problems really don’t have a solution other than to break things off, but if you’re facing something that you CAN work through, give it a shot. That’s better than quitting before you even try.
5. Are You Still Making Each Other Laugh?
Are you still happy? Think about it. If it’s not yes, you need to think about things, unless it’s because of something you KNOW you can work through. Relationships take effort, yes, but you shouldn’t be fighting to make it work. It shouldn’t be a struggle to have fun together. It shouldn’t be hard to love the person you’re with. Yes, you will get on each other’s nerves and you will argue, but are those minor things that don’t undermine the fun you two have together? Does the bad outweigh the good?
6. What Will Life Be Like Without Them?
Of course a breakup will make you sad and can fill you with hurt. But is that a hurt you can live with for the time it takes to heal? Some relationships we plan to keep forever, while others we know will eventually end. You need to consider what life without them will be like before you make your decision. If they are someone you can see yourself being with for a very long time or forever, then maybe this is just a rough patch. We let our emotions drive us and many relationships end out of angry and unclear thinking. If you are thinking straight, try to imagine what it would be like without them. Would you be happier in the long run?
7. Do You Love Them?
Not do you think you love them. DO you love them? This one can be tricky, of course, because sometimes we fall for people we’re not meant to be with. Sometimes we fall in love with people who don’t make us happy or who don’t make us better people. Feelings change. They diminish and amplify without any warning. If the feelings you once had are gone and have been for some time, it may be time to move on. Otherwise, if you know you love them and want to work through things, that’s something you need to take into consideration before talking about breaking up.