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The Perils of Overanalyzing: Letting Go and Growing Up in Relationships

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Women have a tendency to overanalyze our relationships, how we communicate with other people, and other situations in our everyday lives. We want people to like us, so we can get caught up in going out of our way to make other people happy. Of course, this isn’t just a female issue- plenty of guys get caught going down the overanalyzing rabbit hole, too.

Overanalyzing in a relationship can lead to frustration, communication, and giving up far too early. All too often we find ourselves asking our friends what so-and-so meant by that text message, or why someone hasn’t called us back yet, or a variety of other small worries that keep us from living our lives. With all this time spent worrying about someone else, we forget how much power we really have in our own hands.

Before you start overanalyzing a new relationship or your communications with another person, sit back and think about how you might be misinterpreting or overcomplicating a situation. Other people aren’t as complicated as we give them credit for, and often what they are saying is actually what they really mean.

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Here are ten ways we might be misinterpreting and overanalyzing our potential or current relationship.

  1. Forgetfulness doesn’t equal a lack of value. Guys remember different information because their brains process data differently than women’s do. Even if he forgets some information about you doesn’t mean he doesn’t care.
  2. Men talk less than women, usually. Just because he is silent or quiet doesn’t mean he isn’t listening to you or paying attention to the things you find important. Some people require more time to rest and recharge in social situations. Don’t interpret his silence as a lack of interest or affection.
  3. They’re out of my league. Men and women might find themselves pulling back from a potential romance because they think the other person is out of their league. However, the person in question might not realize how attractive they are- after all, it’s about more than just looks!
  4. download (6)Don’t be subtle. Guys aren’t the greatest at picking up on subtle hints that women might be sending them; it’s always better to be straightforward and honest than it is to dance around a topic that is important to you.
  5. You don’t owe each other anything. There is often an expectation that if a guy (or girl) pays for a date or an event, that the other person owes them sex, or love, or another favor. This is a harmful mindset and can lead to a perceived inequality in a relationship. You own each other respect and honesty.
  6. Suggest, don’t demand. Women often get on guys for having selective hearing, but guys like to process things in their own way. They want to be able to make up their own minds without being told what to do; by changing how you ask for something, you can make it easier for them to not feel cornered by a verbal demand.
  7. Don’t misinterpret his body language. Women like to talk face to face, while some men refer side to side conversations. This feels less confrontational to them and allows them to communicate more effectively.
  8. If I don’t nag, it won’t get done. Part of what drives women crazy about men is that we feel like we have to nag a guy to do a task, or else he’ll forget about it for six months. Guys will get around to tasks eventually but try not to nag- you don’t like to do it, and he doesn’t like to hear it.
  9. Be yourself. There’s this idea that guys like women who are hard to get, and to a certain degree that’s true. Men like women who run their own lives; we have friends, careers, and things that interest us. We’re not waiting around for a guy to call us in order to have something to do. Men like women who are available, interested, and present when they are together.
  10. Success scares him. Unfortunately, strong and independent women do scare some men. These aren’t the guys you should be dating! Real men are interested in relationships with women who are taking control of their own life. You should have goals for your personal life and your professional life, while being open to a new relationship and love.

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