Personal Attack or Pattern?
When someone says something hurtful to you, even if it’s the truth, you probably feel attacked. You probably feel like they singled you out. But do they reserve their blunt approach for you, or is that just how they talk to everyone? Before you get too insulted, observe how this blunt person speaks to their other friends. Are they just as blunt with them? If they are, know that their bluntness is not a personal attack on you, but rather, it’s how they talk to people. You might feel less insulted and hurt if you know you aren’t the only person they talk to like that.
Filter Their Words
It may be challenging to find the care and concern in the words of a blunt person. It’s easy to feel judged, but carefully consider their words. They may not be good at saying they’re concerned, so they say something seemingly judgmental instead. Do they bring up a good point? Are they addressing something significant that you’ve been avoiding? Maybe what they’re saying hurts you because there’s some truth to it.
Address Your Discomfort
If their blunt words are making you uncomfortable, you need to address your discomfort. In order for any type of relationship to last, whether it’s a romance or a friendship, there needs to be compromise. This means that you both have to give a little. So confront your blunt friend and let them know how their words make you feel. Ask them to be kinder in the future. And then promise to be less sensitive. If they care about you and your feelings, they will acknowledge the hurt they’ve caused, and promise to do better in the future. And if you care about your friendship with them, you will strive to develop a thicker skin.
Don’t Ask Them for Advice
If you’re soliciting advice from a blunt person, and you’re hurt by their delivery, consider not asking them for advice anymore. If you keep asking them for advice, and they keep hurting you, do you keep asking them for advice because you think it’s going to be different the next time? It won’t be. And some blunt people like to share unsolicited advice. If that’s also hurtful, you need to nip that in the bud. Tell them you aren’t interested in their opinions and don’t confide in them again.
Reduce Contact or Totally Disconnect
Some blunt people are always going to be blunt, and they aren’t capable of seeing how they’ve hurt you. If you’ve expressed your feelings, stopped seeking their advice, put the kibosh on their unsolicited advice, and you don’t see an improvement, it’s time to reduce contact or totally disconnect. When you’ve had enough, you’ll walk away.
Life is often challenging and harsh. You deserve a little comfort and a soft place to land, and if you can’t get that from friends and loved ones, who can you expect to get that from?