At 22 years old, I decided to focus on my future and put love on the back burner. The decision to stay out of a messy relationship paid off and I became the youngest female executive in the company at the prime age of 23, purchased a huge house at 24 and basically achieved status of being a ‘Boss Bitch’ at 25.
I was the epitome of a strong and independent woman. I made a ton of money, hooked up with interesting men, traveled, partied and was living the life I always dreamed. To be successful in my career, I couldn’t be vulnerable (read: weak), and when I took that mentality into my dating life, it just didn’t work. I had to learn to find balance between my type A personality and my femininity in order to attract the love I wanted.
In our effort to move the feminist movement forward, women forgot that allowing a man to be strong doesn’t take away from who you are, and being vulnerable with a man doesn’t make you weak. If we are to have healthy relationships, we must be able to allow both partners to be strong, vulnerable, giving and supportive.
But, first, my strong, independent women, we must learn these 3 lessons:
1. Being vulnerable does NOT make you weak.
It’s a common misconception among strong women that feelings or emotions make you weak. On the contrary, allowing yourself to feel emotions is the greatest risk of all. A weak person would never take that risk.
You’re allowed to express your emotions freely and authentically, without making yourself feel weak for it. Being vulnerable means you’re open and honest with your heart, and without vulnerability, there is no love.
2. Allowing yourself to receive does not make you dependent.
The “I can do it all myself” mentality is not allowing him to give to you as he would naturally do. Men show love by giving, and if you don’t allow yourself to receive, he will stop trying and your connection can fizzle.
Knowing that he wants to take responsibility for you does not mean you are not responsible for yourself, and accepting love into your life doesn’t take away from who you are.
The most important characteristics in a man can’t be found in a minimum height or salary, so ditching your list just means you value character over facial structure.
Stop entering dates and relationships with a long list of requirements and look for a partner who will share your values and life vision instead.