We’ve all thought about it- an ex has popped back up in our lives, and it might seem like the easiest thing in the world to reconnect with them. After all, you know them; you know their habits and their quirks, the things that make them tick. You’ve already gotten through the first stages of dating with this person, after all.
But getting back together with an ex can be a mistake, too. While time apart could have healed the wounds of your relationship, you likely broke up for a reason. When you’re tired of being single, lonely, and time has erased some of the difficulties of your relationship, you might have a hard time coming up with reasons not to get back together with your ex.
Before jumping back into a relationship with your ex, here are a few things to consider.
- How the relationship ended. If the relationship ended mutually because the two of you saw your futures going differently, than there is hope in getting back together. If you’ve both changed, see a future together, and still have feelings for each other, then getting back together might be a good idea.
However, most relationships don’t end on such good terms. Someone likely cheated, acted badly, or otherwise broke the love and trust that existed in that relationship. How and why the two of you broke up is incredibly important to consider if you are thinking about getting back together.
- Think about why you want to get back together. Did they leave you high and dry when they broke up with you? Are they the one that got away? Are you lonely? All of these can be reasons why you feel like getting back together with an ex seems like a good idea. You should be sure that you are getting back together with an ex because you still have feelings for them, not because you are just looking for any sort of relationship.
- What’s your ex’s relationship status? Are they single and ready to mingle, or are they in a committed relationship? The last thing you want to be doing is reaching out to an ex who is in a committed partnership with someone else. Be prepared for them to be in relationship circumstances that you might not like hearing about.
- Work towards closure. Oftentimes the reason why we want to get back together with an ex is because we didn’t receive closure on that relationship the first time around. Starting up a romance again is just another way to watch it crash and burn if the two of you aren’t meant to be together. Examine your motivations for wanting to get back together with them and do what you can to obtain closure from that relationship.
- Let the past stay behind you. If you do decide to get back together with your ex, let your past attempts at a relationship stay in the past. Don’t rehash old arguments or bring up things that went wrong before; this is a sure-fire way to sabotage your current relationship attempts. Rather, let this new relationship be a clean slate for the both of you.
Getting back together with an ex isn’t for everyone, but it can work out for some people. Think about the above questions before you dive back in, and make sure that you are ready to be in a new relationship with an old flame. Some love should stay in the past.