We accept the love we think we deserve. Sometimes this means that we lose out on real, lasting love because we stick to our comfort zone; we would rather date people we can expect to be disappointed by, rather than take a chance on a relationship where we are vulnerable, honest, and truly loved.
We might talk ourselves out of a great relationship, inevitably causing the failure we were expecting in the first place. We push love away and reject the people who would take care of us and make us happy.
If you think that you have been pushing real love away, consider the following ways that we do reject love in our lives:
- We withhold affection from others
- We shut down when confronted with emotional situations
- We are incredibly critical of our partners
- We disrespect our partner
- We find ourselves picking fights, almost always for no real reason
While all of these behaviors inevitably happen in a relationship, the real problem is when this becomes a cycle. If you know that you have been sabotaging your relationships, think about why. Many people act this way out of fear; fear that our partner will see through us, or that they will be the one to leave us, or fear that we are not worth being loved at all.
We fear real intimacy, because it means we could be hurt by someone who knows us better than anyone else.
We fear change, because we want to cling to what is familiar.
We fear failure, because this means we are not good enough for ourselves or someone else.
Change is one of the only constants in life. We will change, just as our partners will change as well. We grow, and as we learn we hopefully figure out how to change our behaviors to reflect our growth. Love changes right alongside us, as do our reactions to love.
If you want to break the cycle of pushing love away, learn to face your fears. As you get closer to something important to you, such as a real relationship, you might find yourself pulling away. Rather than react to your fears, learn to move through them. When you notice this fear you will start to be able to resist it over time.
Match your emotions with your actions. If you are in love, act like it. If you are scared, tell your partner why. We often have common fears in our relationships, and you can grow closer to one another by voicing these fears and finding solutions together. Instead of running away from love, run towards it. Make the choice to acknowledge the ways in which you push love away and decide to change. You deserve all the love in the world.