In every relationship there comes a time when we seek something more, either from the person we are partnered with or someone else. We want better communication, more affection, or a change of scenery, but we aren’t always clear on how to get those things from our partner. Understanding what we want in a relationship can make our current relationship better, focus your search for a romantic partner, or allow you to step back and look at your relationships in a new light.
Knowing what you want in a relationship goes beyond surface qualities. We all want someone we are physically attracted to, who makes us laugh and who provides us with some stability. But we also need to know what else we want in a relationship- do they need to live near us? Can they have kids? What do you want their personality to be like?
Here are a few things to think about when you are seeking to understand what you want in a relationship.
- Think about your love language- do you give gifts or show affection via physical touch? Do you verbally express your love? How do you need your partner to communicate their love to you? Different affection styles can affect your relationship if you don’t understand each other’s love language. Think about what kind of affection you need before getting into a relationship.
- What are your life values? Do you value family, experiences, stability? What do you prioritize? Values are important, and you should seriously consider differences in the values of you and your partner.
- Are you an optimist, a realist, or a pessimist? Although differing attitudes towards life can be managed in a relationship, it helps to have someone who looks at life like you do. These attitudes shape how we react to life, and our partner can help us create balance in our lives with their own mindset.
- Respect is needed in every relationship. If you don’t respect your partner or they don’t respect you, your relationship isn’t a healthy one. Your emotional health depends on mutual respect.
- Expectations and goals. Your goals and expectations for a relationship should influence who your partner is. If your expectations and goals aren’t the same as your partner, you will both be dissatisfied and unhappy. You should have high expectations for how your partner treats you but remember that we are all human. You should also strive to be the best you can be for your partner.
We all have traits we want our future partners to have, and we need to stick with our desires. Don’t date people who don’t fit your list, just because they are available. You might miss out on real, true, and lasting love in the meantime. Pick a partner who fits into your life and who you see a future with.